And now I shall answer a reader question
Hey Melissa, I love your blog! I saw this question on Paleohacks about whether or not crab is paleo and I thought your answer was very insightful! I have wondered for a very long time about crab, since it is so weird looking that it must be of extraterrestrial origin. I don't think aliens visited Earth until after the neolithic era and I wonder about the effects of such extraterrestrial foods. So I have a question: my roommate is a raw vegan and he likes to add exotic microorganisms to his morning smoothies. Now that NASA has announced the discovery of arsenic-based bacteria, he is interested in obtaining some and is wondering what the effects might be.
- Phil from Des Moines.
Thanks for the question Phil! In his new ebook, Tales of Abject Paleo Disclusion, Robb Wolf talks about the negative effects of consuming beings from other dimensions. I am convinced most crabs originate on this planet, but be careful not to mistake beings like Mi-Go for crustaceans. Eating beings from other dimensions might cause pan-dimensional leaky gut syndrome, which is waaaay worse than normal leaky gut syndrome as it results in microscopic black holes in your intestines that transport all the nutritious food you eat to the 8th dimension. It's not very good for you and can lead to malnutrition, as well as the growth of tentacles on your forehead. If you already are afflicted by this grotesque condition, Loren Cordain has written the excellent The Dietary Cure for Tentacle Growth, which describes how a low-glycemic diet can reduce tentacle outbreaks!
As for consuming arsenic-based bacteria, I would consult Firewalkers, an excellent episode of the X-Files, which demonstrates very accurately how contact with abnormal organisms can lead to strange behavior and eventually of spores growing in your chest cavity! I can imagine that the long term effects of this would be negative. Many tribal cultures throw infected people in volcanoes.
***Sorry about this post everyone. I'm just so inspired by absurd paleo questions and I admit that rather than reading books about health diets, I've been reading HP Lovecraft, Dune, and watching old X-Files episodes :) It's how I deal with stress. Either way, stop stressing about this diet and start eating some good food!
For your trouble, here is an absurd picture of me.
Next Post: Soy Oil in a TV Dinner I thought was kind of paleo and other tales of macabre horror